Four Warning Signs That Your Relationship May be in Trouble

Dr. Tony Fiore, Marriage Class Online.com

According to extensive research at the famed Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington, there are four warning signs that predict divorce with a high degree of accuracy. Dr Gottman calls these "The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse". We have created the following checklists so you can measure these warning signs in your relationship and administer the antidotes before things get out of hand!

Instructions: Rate each patterns below, indicating how often it has occurred in your relationship in the last thirty days: Frequently-4, Often-3, Once in a while-2 or Never-1

Warning Sign #2 : Criticizing

One or both partners express complaints in a harsh, critical way

There is much negativity toward each other in our relationship

One partner feels that the viewpoints or actions of the other are wrong

One or both partners often feels attacked through criticism by the other

The relationship feels more like "parent-child" than "adult-adult"

How to Score

If you scored:
Between 1-10 you probably are not in trouble in this area
Between 11-14 you may have some concerns in this area
Between 15-20 you probably should do things to improve your relationship in this area

The Antidote For Criticism:

If criticism is a warning sign, you should learn to complain without blame. This means sticking to the issue and not attacking the person or his character. The difference is often subtle but extremely important. A complaint is a simple statement about something a person doesn't like, or something a person would like to see changed and an explanation of to why the person feels this way. By contrast, a critical person goes beyond complaining and implies that the viewpoint or actions of others are wrong, and his or hers are right, or the person will imply that others have behaved badly. Criticism is a form of attack. Critical people often seem disgusted and show no interest in hearing the viewpoints of others.

Progress
Stonewalling | Criticizing | Defensiveness | Contempt | Complete