Four Warning Signs That Your Relationship May be in Trouble

Dr. Tony Fiore, Marriage Class Online.com

According to extensive research at the famed Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington, there are four warning signs that predict divorce with a high degree of accuracy. Dr Gottman calls these "The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse". We have created the following checklists so you can measure these warning signs in your relationship and administer the antidotes before things get out of hand!

Instructions: Rate each patterns below, indicating how often it has occurred in your relationship in the last thirty days: Frequently-4, Often-3, Once in a while-2 or Never-1

Warning Sign #1 : Defensiveness

One partner feels they are less to blame for conflicts than the other

Instead of acknowledging anything reasonable about requests, one or both partners counter nearly every point in order to "win" or "be right"

One or both partners resist influence or input from the other

One or both partners is unable to accept personal responsibility for mistakes, errors or conflicts

One or both partners see many relationship issues as simply not their problem

How to Score

If you scored:
Between 1-10 you probably are not in trouble in this area
Between 11-14 you may have some concerns in this area
Between 15-20 you probably should do things to improve your relationship in this area

The Antidote For Defensiveness:

Defensive people deflect criticism by denying responsibility for the problem, blaming their partner for the problem, or denying there is a problem at all. The Antidote is to take some responsibility for the issue which opens discussion and problem-solving dialogue instead of conflict and arguing. Be open to the possibility that there is another viewpoint to things, that your partner may have an equally valid point, and that perhaps both of you have contributed to the conflict, problem, or issue.

Progress
Stonewalling | Criticizing | Defensiveness | Contempt | Complete