Four Warning Signs That Your Relationship May be in Trouble

Dr. Tony Fiore, Marriage Class Online.com

According to extensive research at the famed Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington, there are four warning signs that predict divorce with a high degree of accuracy. Dr Gottman calls these "The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse". We have created the following checklists so you can measure these warning signs in your relationship and administer the antidotes before things get out of hand!

Instructions: Rate each patterns below, indicating how often it has occurred in your relationship in the last thirty days: Frequently-4, Often-3, Once in a while-2 or Never-1

Warning Sign #1 : Contempt

One partner feels that their way to doing things is better or more correct than those of the other

One or both partners feels disrespected or insulted by the other

One or both partners gets mean spirited and insulting in our disputes

One or both partners feel that they are more mature or less selfish than the other

One or both partners bully the other into doing things against the their beliefs or values

How to Score

If you scored:
Between 1-10 you probably are not in trouble in this area
Between 11-14 you may have some concerns in this area
Between 15-20 you probably should do things to improve your relationship in this area

The Antidote For Contempt:

Contempt involves thinking that one's values, preferences or viewpoints are better or more correct than those of one's partner in any given situation. Or, it may involve the tendency to think of one as better (more mature, more responsible, less selfish, less to blame) than one's partner. The antidote is to build an atmosphere of appreciation. In successful marriages, there is almost no contempt with partners valuing the opinions and input of the other. Rather than judging the other or "looking down" at the other, successful couples convey that they appreciate the other. They avoid hurtful criticism or negative judgments of the other or how the other does things or thinks about things.

Progress
Stonewalling | Criticizing | Defensiveness | Contempt | Complete