Four Warning Signs That Your Relationship May be in Trouble

Dr. Tony Fiore, Marriage Class Online.com

According to extensive research at the famed Gottman Institute in Seattle, Washington, there are four warning signs that predict divorce with a high degree of accuracy. Dr Gottman calls these "The Four horsemen of the Apocalypse". We have created the following checklists so you can measure these warning signs in your relationship and administer the antidotes before things get out of hand!

Instructions: Rate each patterns below, indicating how often it has occurred in your relationship in the last thirty days: Frequently-4, Often-3, Once in a while-2 or Never-1

Warning Sign #1 : Stonewalling

One or both partners simply refuses to engage in conversation when the other complains

One or both partner sit in silence or walks away when the other complains

One or both partners bottle up feelings and does not express them

One or both partners withholds affection or attention when upset with the other

One or both partners often wants to avoid the other during conflict by doing something else like watching television, playing a video game, etc.

How to Score

If you scored:
Between 1-10 you probably are not in trouble in this area
Between 11-14 you may have some concerns in this area
Between 15-20 you probably should do things to improve your relationship in this area

The Antidote For Stonewalling:

If Stonewalling is the problem, you should learn to sooth yourself during a relationship battle or conflict, instead of just stuffing your negative feelings, or simply cutting yourself off from all feelings. Research shows that stonewallers are having a lot of conflict and angst inside: they just are not showing it. Sooth yourself by taking in deep breaths, exercising, listening to music, etc. Just try to somehow reduce your stress so you can deal with the issue.

Progress
Stonewalling | Criticizing | Defensiveness | Contempt | Complete